5 Tips on Life Changes: Upcycle Our Identity + Shift
[12.18.23] In an uncertain world, prevailing in the turmoil takes self-compassion and faith. We evolve in unanticipated ways and that’s how life rolls.
27 years ago, I was recovering from giving birth on a hospital bed and childless. My firstborn was a ~9 pound, peachy baby who had stopped breathing while latched on my breast. CPR didn’t work and he was whisked off to a NICU elsewhere in an ambulance. He traveled alone in the cold, dark winter night, amid Christmas lights.
Jonah’s demise was the beginning of the end of my ‘old’ life. I didn’t know what to think or how to be. Was I a mother or not? For 10 month I physically and mentally prepared to embrace this new identity, to create a family.
Then it all stopped.
Years later, I learned that Pluto, the planet of death and rebirth, was passing over my Ascendent in the birth chart. It was an unavoidable transformation that can destroy someone or make her stronger. The event started a process of forever shifting my worldview, how I engaged with myself and others.
Each year, I notice the cold air and busy energy around Thanksgiving and brace myself for varied degrees of grief until the New Year. The healing work I’d done has mitigated heartaches and gave POV, but the fact remains. I have two sons, one is a spirit guide and the other is a young professional on earth.
What if my soul chose to walk this path?
Yesterday I considered what would have been if Jonah survived the injury from the forceps used, or if he wasn’t hurt at all. I probably would have climbed the ladder as a career coach/administrator at some college in Massachusetts. We’d stay in our old suburb that housed professors and high tech folks, and gained the stability family and my own sense of ‘propriety’ expected.
As someone who grew up in two countries, attended four junior high schools, and endured a rough home life, I craved stability.
Yet the chaos of trauma, loss of identity, and subsequent loss of health was a call to a Hero’s Journey. My carefully orchestrated world shattered. I could perish or pick up the sword and keep living. I fell into the latter and built up steam as I went.
You are seeing the result of this quest. Change is incremental – it has become more and more intentional. I chose to integrate parts of myself to feel better and serve others. I assert my unconventional existence with a big smile. Creativity, positivity are what I go for. I let my fire-y Sagittarius optimism shine.
It took me a bit to alchemize the dumpster fire and evolve. The impetus to change wasn’t called for. But without the devastating loss, I probably wouldn’t have shifted much from beliefs and habits developed from an authoritarian upbringing.
During this Mercury retrograde (12/13/23 – 1/2/24), reflect on your Truth, take stock and discern what you’d want to change. The Solstice on 12/21 marks a time for intention setting. Then we kick into the long-term building, pragmatic, implementing energy of Capricorn (12/22/23 – 1/20/24).
5 Tips on Transition/Transformation:
- At bed time, recall 5 things, big or small, that you liked about your day. For example, finishing a project or helped someone at work, eating a yummy lunch, seeing a pretty bird on a walk. This is relaxing and grounding.
- Rest and find something that gives you joy. Especially during volatile times, we need to stay connected to the light within.
- Feel the pain, the challenge, and go through it like being naked in the automatic car wash. Bare. No shame. Unprocessed and suppressed grief and hardship can fester. Find support as needed.
- Be gentle with yourself. Know that there is a beginning (loss of your ordinary world, disorientation), middle (limbo, cluelessness), and end (new beginning) in transitions. Take time to find your bearings, let go of what no longer serves, and surrender to what is.
- Upcycle for the new year/next 6 months. Consider what can be reorganized, reinvigorated. What new POV or skills can you add to this evolutionary process?
Let me know your thoughts on this!
Love, sparkling wishes for 2024,
Sue
WHAT’S NEWS
NEW WHOLLY WORK blog focuses on career transition/advancement and job search. The first post is on mindset before starting a transition! New subscribers (link in post) get a 10-page workbook on mindset, values, networking strategy, and outline for a LinkedIn profile. Feel free to share the link with those who can benefit from it.
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CHECK THESE OUT
- Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes Great insight on career & life shifts.
- The Secret to Mastering Life’s Biggest Transitions video on seeing our life story differently and navigating it.
- MESSAGES from the Black Recliner: A Memoir on Healing the Body & Spirit My story on finding the self, emerging anew after loss and chronic illness.
