Cinderella No More: the Power of Resistance
[8.24.24] Have you ever worked hard to please someone, at a job, or for a client and it seemed like no matter what you did, it wasn’t enough?
We are raised with ‘hard work = results.’ Often this is true. It’s the sneaky bottomless pit situations that entice our wounded parts to keep on giving. Eventually we hit a wall.
Growing up with a mother who was a workhorse instilled my tendency of doing everything I can to withstand discomfort. My father chose her as a wife because she had a job and had energy for chores. Ma raised 3 kids, saved money, ran the household while my father worked out of town or country.
She was Cinderella. She enjoyed being with her children, once in the US, she had 3 jobs, learned English, and cooked 3 meals daily from scratch. She wished someday we’d go to great colleges and do well. My father had trysts with women — he wasn’t the prince who would rescue this Cinderella. In fact, he scolded and hit her and us when he was home.
At 63, Ma divorced Ba. Relatives in Taiwan laughed at her. She was ashamed to act on the separation. Her back was in perpetual pain; she suffered clinical depression. We kids finally encouraged and helped her end the misery.
I’ve worked with several lovely, lovely people who toiled to keep alive a career, a vision, and/or a relationship. They went out of their way to make things happen. Over time, the lack of acknowledgement or mutuality destroyed their self-esteem, sense of well-being, and the ability to see themselves.
When is it enough? Where is the edge of your being? What in the reality isn’t aligning with your core values?
We just finished Leo season (7/22-8/21), focusing on self-expression, -sovereignty, and creativity. Leo rules the heart, and the heart speaks truth. It was a time to shine, to be seen and known. It’s helpful to define who we are, the ‘edges’ of our inner kingdom so that we know our boundaries.
The sun has move into integrating, flexible, and service-oriented Virgo. (8/22-9/21). Know who we really are, then serve from wholeness. Virgo is prominent in my chart, I love to serve. The question is: When does service becomes a drain?
For those who were taught to please at all cost: consider your Cinderella tendency.
There’s reward in resisting falling back to old patterns.
What belief is behind the self-sabotaging actions? For example, if I questioned my doctor then I am disrespectful, so I went along until a terrible loss occurred, and severe chronic illness ensued. (I’m good now, it’s been 20+ years.)
Think about a belief that trips you up: If I do X, then I’m Y.
- Reframe the belief. i.e, from above, I speak up to my doctor because I take responsibility for my health.
- When old or default behavior strikes: Resist, stop for a moment.
- Train & ask yourself: How will I be different this time?
Claim your power by remembering your light and goodness — those are constant. Come up with 50-100 things you like about yourself. If you have trouble with this, find trusted ones to get you started.
Small changes make a big difference.
We are our own rescuers. Take action to shift mindset and make the change you need. I have just completed trauma-informed training to help myself and others. We just need some awareness, an opening, a thread from which to loosen, to untangle an old knot.
May we heal and thrive,
Sue
WHAT’S NEWS
I’m now a trauma-Informed coach! Techniques to claim one’s space, feeling safe, and desensitize reactions stemmed from past, present events can quickly make a difference. I look forward to supporting folks and lessening the load as they shift. Book a free Spark session to explore.
FREE THRIVE Hour: Sun, Sept 8, 2024, 1pm ET/11am MT Self Care and Burnout Explore beliefs, how you relate to yourself, and ways to advocate for yourself. Relax with guided visualization. Register at link above.
CHECK THESE OUT
- Useful videos to lighten the effects of traumas, bad events from my trainer Jane McCampbell Staurt.
- The Child in You: The Breakthrough Method for Bringing Out Your Authentic Self Understand how we came to be, seeing our shadow, and strategies to heal.
